Wedded Blitz
by Alan David Perkins
Copyright © 1992


Full-length comedy in one continuous Act.


Billed as a "desperate" comedy about Love, Relationships, Marriage and Explosives, this play illustrates turbulent relationships in New York, the eternal conflict of style over substance and compromises of values that follow set against the tense backdrop of a hostage situation. Mike Pitts and Julia Martin are complete opposites -- Mike is emotional and passionate while Julia is practical and materialistic. The two were once a hot item but compromised that it would be best if they were apart. When Mike finds out that Julia had "sold out" and is marrying a man of little substance for the financial security, he constructs a vest of explosives and holds her hostage in order to change her mind. Added to the mix is Marvin Abernathy, New York's worst detective, and Roxanne "Rocky" McCovey, an un-ladylike hostage negotiator. Together they examine the true nature of their relationships and how many compromise style over substance.

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JULIA MARTIN - Female, late 30's to early 40's. Attractive, dynamic, caring, analytical and a little pompous.
MIKE PITTS - Male, late 20's to mid 30's. Rugged, unstable, charismatic, passionate, borderline psychotic.
DETECTIVE MARVIN "NASTY" ABERNATHY - Male, mid to late 40's. Insecure, frightened, weak.
ROCKY McCOVEY - Female, mid to late 40's. Harsh, brash, loud, obnoxious, angry.
IRVING BLITSTEIN - Male, mid to late 60's.
JEAN BLITSTEIN - Female, mid to late 60's.


90 - 100 minutes.


Upper-East Side New York apartment. Center stage is a sofa, coffee table, chair, upright piano and other living room-type furniture. The stage should have an entrance to a kitchen. There should be a large window visible. The apartment is in immaculate shape, almost to the point of being desolate. All colors are Earth tones. Any form of decoration are pictures of landscapes, seashore, forest, mountains, etc. Many book shelves are filled with self-help books.

The play is in one continuous Act with no scene break. A couple of special effects are necessary -- bits of a window frame have to be "shot" out and there should be one sound effect of an explosion.


The original title of this play was "Marry Me or DIE!" A co-worker of mine, Debbie Krack, came up with the new title. Yes, this play is purging a bad relationship I once had. But seriously, when I wrote it I was sharing an apartment with the most wonderful woman -- an artist who was about thirty years my senior. We would have the most intense discussions on relationships and what really matters in them. I used these discussions as the basis of the play.

Another driving factor in this play was due to my dealings with a strategically unnamed theater group I once belonged to. The other writers in the group would write the most BORING things, and then have the nerve to lecture to me about dramatic structure. In rebellion, I planned to write a play that had an exaggerated structure -- life and death action, stakes miles high, etc. As a result, I had packed it so tightly that I couldn't even have a break in the scene.


The entire script of Wedded Blitz is available upon request from the playwright. No production of this play can take place without permission from the playwright.